"And the world keeps spinning round; My world's upside down and I wouldn't change a thing. I've got nothing else to lose..."

I dunno, everyone asks me if I regret becoming a prefect. And I honestly don't know. Loads of stuff have happened this past year and the worst part is that I don't know if it was because of prefectship or just the way things would have happened anyway.

There's so much tension between me, Avi and Sudee. I still smile at them and I'd gladly hang out with them any time but not the same way as before. I didn't pick either of them as roommates for the batch trip. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. I mean, Avi and Sudee are pissed at each other again; Avi is apparently trying to steal Juleef away from Sudee and I totally understand what Sudee is saying. She is such a flirt! But come on! She did the same thing with Chrisal and I gave him up just to stay friends with Avi. Sisters Over Misters! Yeah! But nooo...some stupid guy is more important to Sudee than her friends. Gosh I resent Nadiya's presence. It's totally unjust and she's really nice but if she wasn't there, everything would still be the same with Avi and Sudee and Nutsy, that I know.

Anyway, me and Sudee. I don't know, she's such a girl! All gossip, gossip but I totally miss all the fun and crazy times I had with her. I still love her and that's what's totally throwing me off-balance.

Me and Avi. I miss her too - kinda. That's also confusing. I figured I'd miss her much more but I don't. I don't like her other friends AT ALL. She's become horrible in the last few months. I don't like Nisheeda, Haran, Dilini or Ovini :/

I'm really good friends with Prashan now. WAY more than before hence the ridiculous rumors. Which is fine. He's still the same ol' Proosh.

I was thinking about it and realized that Ashan is one of the only people I know that I would literally kill for. He's always been there for me whatever happens and it kills me that I haven't been able to hang out with him AT ALL for the last year. If he's pissed at me or thinks I've changed for the worse, I'd die. It'll kill me. He's the one friend who's more important to me than anyone else... I need to talk to him properly, explain everything and ask him stuff.

Also, I think I've changed. I know I've become meaner. I badly want to change that. Every morning, I promise myself that I won't say or do anything mean but when I come home, I realize that something I've said or done is so uncharacteristic of me.

Also, though I've lost some of my best friends, I've gained so many more and learned so many things. I'm way more independent now, able to stand up for myself and able to speak out in public.

Arghhhhhhh! I wish I could go back to being the same me I was in early February.